Category: Uncategorized
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Note.
I wore a short knee length dress this morning before going for my walk. When I wore the dress. I started feeling anxious because I knew father would start staring at my body. He has done that my entire adult life. When I walked out of the bedroom. He was standing and drinking water facing…
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Note.
My body hasn’t recovered completely. I’m still really sick. I thought I had recovered but guess I haven’t. It’s 12.41 am. How am I still awake? Because I usually doze off around 10pm. I’ve been listening to Yellow by Whitney Hanson on repeat since I discovered it a month ago. I’m almost always in my…
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PSA.
If you have not spoken to someone in a long time. You don’t know them. Period. Because people keep changing, growing and evolving. People change their mind. That’s the nature of being human. So please do everyone a favour and stop bringing up something that someone did in the cold winters of 1991. We are…
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Note.
I’m sorry about repeating the same things everyday like a crazy person. I start spiralling sometimes. Kindly bear with me. I’m waiting for this to be over. After that I will be retiring and the content quality will be better and intentional.
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Note.
The truth is already out long long ago. What the actual fuck am I waiting for? No one else can exist in my shoes even for a minute. You don’t know how hard it was to reach here and continue to wait this way. It was really difficult, would be an understatement. When everything worked…
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Note.
I want a normal and conventional life. I want credit, convention and recognition for my work. Because this is my sweat, blood and tears. I don’t want to exist in this invisible double life and false reality. Most people are creepy fans with a leverage. They take advantage of my helplessness. Half the population are…
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Note.
Since we are living in the same world and experiencing the same things. Sometimes we will say similar things. Also, all of us are speaking the same language. The language was already present. My content and words are original. When I copy something, I make sure I give credit. Also, as I mentioned before. Creating…
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Note.
I used to say the yessssss thing even before I heard the quote by Mark Manson. Now I say fuck yes. Anyway. Whenever I copy something, I give credit to them.
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Note.
“Unless it’s a fuck yes, it’s a no.” These words are by Mark Manson. I got to know this a couple of months back. I follow the same thing. I used to say, “I need to get a yessssss feeling to marry someone.” I heard this quote by Mark Manson and I have been quoting…
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Note.
Also. When someone is communicating a boundary. It’s not a fucking conflict, it’s a boundary. They are communicating how they want to be treated and what is acceptable and not acceptable. If someone doesn’t have the emotional intelligence to work through a boundary with you. You have your answer. My boundaries are non-negotiable. If you…
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Note.
I’ve said this before. I’m going to say it again and again and again and again. When someone does not want to be your friend or in a relationship with you. It is not betrayal. We feel what we feel. You cannot force feelings. Until and unless someone does you dirty. It’s not betrayal. Learn…
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Note.
If Voldemort had not betrayed me. I would have had a regular normal life. But now. I’m the boy who lived, the mother of dragons and your friendly neighborhood superhero. I used to pray to God for world peace when I was speaking to Him during childhood. So I guess He chose me. And I…
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Also.
To add to that. If there’s a connection and rapport. Please drop your ego and fight for it. ’cause that shit’s hard to find. I’ve had an extremely social life but very few people whom I have connected with. Very few friends. I don’t use the word friend loosely. Conflicts are a part and parcel…
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Good morning.
You are not signing a contract with anyone to stay forever. You don’t owe anyone anything. If they cannot treat you right, they can go. You don’t need to explain a NO. NO is a full sentence. The only person you sign a contract with is your spouse. That’s why while choosing a partner. Unless…
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Note.
Everyone has insecurities. Everyone projects their insecurities unintentionally sometimes. As long as you are not causing any irreversible harm, that’s okay. Recognise and understand your patterns. Redeem yourself and do better next time.
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Note.
I was a regular normal shy innocent girl. I was also retarded because my mind wasn’t developed. Everything started because Voldemort was jealous. If Voldemort had not betrayed me. I would have had a regular normal life. I was not interested in her ex Ashwin Srinivas. He used to constantly call me ugly. I liked…
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Note.
I’ve addressed so many issues. But I see history repeating itself again and again and again. This is why sometimes I feel like I’m speaking to a brick wall. But I say it anyway.
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Morning.
Everyone is a little crazy. We all have felt ugly at some point in our lives. ’cause who are we kidding? We are all blobs existing on a planet that’s floating somewhere in this vast unknown universe. We are all whimsical. Also, strange. We all have done and said things we are not proud of.…
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Note.
I had bought the book “The curse of true love by Stephanie Garber” from Amazon. (You can check my order list.) It’s one of my favourite series. Even that was damaged and something was wrong with the print of the cover. I returned it to blossoms for store credit. These things happen sometimes when I…
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Note.
I want injustice to be answered with justice. I want justice for every single miniscule thing that happened to me. Starting from prison school up until unethical monsters at kauvery hospital. I want justice.
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Note.
I want Ali Hazelwood to get her karma for calling me an ugly gargoyle in her book. Not only is she benefitting out of me and making money out of telling my story. But she is also throwing shade. I want justice.
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Note.
I’m pretty sure whatever Rachel Catherine did is called cyber bullying and illegal. I want justice for what she did to me. I want her and her kitty party to get their karma.
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Note.
I don’t want you to kill Voldemort immediately. I want you to torture her for 15 years continuously. And then kill her.
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Note.
I’ve already said everything. The party is over. Please move on. Please stop cherry picking and dragging unnecessarily. I’m not interested. Thank you.
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Note.
You remember Meghana whom I spoke about? She is extremely affluent. Her father is a successful lawyer and affluent man in indiranagar. Still I said no when she reached out. You can clearly understand from this that I’m not biased. I treat people based on my personal first hand experience with them. I don’t use…
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Note.
I’m not interested in repeating the same bloody things every single day. The truth is already out long long ago. What the actual fuck am I waiting for?
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Note.
I have so much respect for Draco after whatever happened. I miss her sometimes. I know our friendship is severed now. But I’m ready to start over. If she is. I hope she reaches out someday. Draco and I had a really strong connection even if it was toxic. Both of us were at fault.…
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Note.
The truth is already out. I’m not interested in repeating the same things everyday. Please leave me alone.
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Note.
You can listen to my calls with my therapist since we started speaking in 2023. I have made numerous mistakes. Even on my youtube. Listen to everything again. I was being tortured inhumanly. Also to add to that. Speaking is not my forte. Because I learnt how to speak a couple of years back. So…
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Note.
In funny story. Emily Henry called my laugh “bark laugh”. She calls me fucked up. She throws so much shade throughout the book. If someone is going around saying this is their favourite emily henry book. You have yourself a hater and joker in a white cardigan. I have already spoken about and cleared everything.…
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Night.
I wish Will would speak to me soon. So that we could clear things. You have no idea how much this is stressing me out in the background. While I go about my life. Also, I miss my best friend. Anyway. I want to rot on my bed, all day every day. Night. I love…
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Note.
Don’t believe Dudley if she is saying she’s changed. She’s a joker in a white cardigan. I want justice.
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Note.
I want justice for every single thing that happened to me. I have spoken about every single miniscule thing in detail. I want justice. I even want Dudley, Moana shree, Ance Jose, Rachel Catherine etc to get their karma. I want every single person who did me wrong to face the full consequences of what…
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Note.
I already explained the feud with Rachel Catherine in detail. When I was speaking about whatever she was doing on my blog. Saying that she’s always at the edge of her seat waiting to defy me. She bought the book “Defiant by Brandon Sanderson” to communicate that she is. But she was wearing a cardigan…
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Note.
Everyone has moved on from this topic long ago. I have already explained everything in detail. But if you still see people hyping up the books that I returned. You know you have a hater in a white cardigan. Who is desperately trying to satisfy their demons. Because I’m all over the place. And they…
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Note.
I already explained that the reason I returned the book seven year slip in 2024 was because. It was damaged or it was pirated version and the print wasn’t good. Either one of these reasons. I don’t remember exactly because I had a lot on my plate back then and I was not paying attention.…
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Note.
I have shared everything that I learnt about dating. I started dating in 2019. I stopped in 2023 when Ginny said she’s in love with me. I must have spoken to around 250 men. I have shared my experience. But you should take my advice with a grain of salt. Because I’m not a relationship…
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Note.
If I want it, it’s easy and effortless. I just have to pick my favorite. I want you to clearly understand whom you are speaking to. I don’t need anything from a vulgar, creepy and disgusting aunty who smells like rotten eggs and looks like garbage. I’m way too classy and sophisticated for this shit.
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Note.
Men keep calling me fucking hot and chase me all the time. Even women whom I was speaking to on bumble when I was bisexual at the end of 2022. Also. My girl friends are always generous with their compliments. I’ve had an extremely social life. I’ve texted and spoken to countless people. That’s why…
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Note.
The truth is already out. The liars are already in front of the world. I’m not interested in repeating the same bloody things every single day. Please leave me alone.
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Note.
I’ve already cleared why I gave the analogy of chess. I’ve already cleared every single thing. More than required and necessary. I’m not interested in repeating the same things every single day. The truth is already out. Please stop wasting my precious time. I’m not interested.
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Note.
When people wanted me dead and tortured me. Everything happened so damn quickly. Without asking me what happened and my side of the story. The truth is already out long long ago. What the fuck am I waiting for?
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Note.
Everyone is a little gay. All women are bisexual or lesbians. There is no such thing as 100% straight in women. Men might be 100% straight. I’ll believe that. But not women. They are lying if they say otherwise. Everyone in this world masturbates. Do you want to explain to me why I’m being targeted?…
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Note.
Please keep it platonic with me. Please don’t make it weird. I don’t proactively think anything negative about anyone. I don’t speak against innocent people. Platonically, I have basic love and respect for everyone. Please don’t hand me the pen and paper to write about you. Please don’t start shit.
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Note.
Women have this mentality that just because they are women everyone will like them. They try to lure, make a move, sexually assault, force me to go to their house. Etc. Why? Because I’m openly bisexual. Just because I’m openly bisexual doesn’t mean I will like every single Tom, Dick and Harry. I find most…
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Note.
If Cillian Murphy plays Voldemort. I’m not going to watch the series. I cannot put myself through that.
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Note.
I feel extremely disconnected from the book community. I’m lowkey hating it. Because of the extreme inhuman hypocrisy. I don’t want to be part of it anymore. I don’t feel good. God bless you.
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Note.
Please don’t make Cillian Murphy play Voldemort. I know people think that I’m like Cillian Murphy. Please stop giving characteristics of my past misunderstandings to villains. I’m a human being. These things are hard to watch and read.
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Note.
I had a dream about Ginny just now. I miss her so much. It’s driving me crazy. It was a wet dream. I keep thinking about her and I’ve been waking up horny. Oh god. I’m so tired of waiting this way.
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Note.
The mistake that I made when I started writing is that. I wrote everything briefly. I didn’t know that the law was involved. I didn’t know that I was framed. I didn’t know that people were reading my blogs. Only I knew the truth. I was desperate to say everything that happened. So I was…
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Note.
Also. I don’t really have anything against Priyanka Chopra. I don’t know if I sounded like I had beef with her. Just to be clear, I don’t. I’m sure she’s a good person. I don’t agree with the performative remark. That’s it. I know how to agree to disagree. So I don’t really dislike her…
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Note.
Please stop giving characteristics of my past misunderstandings to negative characters in books and movies. I’m a human being. I went through hell my whole life. These things are hard to process and watch/read. Please stop doing these things for entertainment purposes. Please stop exploiting my story this way.
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Note.
Having children is ambiguous anyway. Because life never really goes as planned. P.S. I was scared to hold babies because they are so delicate and fragile. And I’m so clumsy. I was scared I might drop them. But apparently I don’t. Because I haven’t dropped my nieces.
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Note.
I was fighting against Voldemort and the death eaters. Pettigrew was just a random ass side character. But she turned out to be one of the biggest villains. God. Her energy was off since day one, yes. But I didn’t see her as a villain. I never saw it coming.
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Note.
I don’t wear make up but I love watching GRWM videos. I love make up even if I don’t wear it. I love it on others. Also. I absolutely love dogs. I love watching dog videos online and I love seeing them in movies. Even if I’m scared of them. I love them from a…
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Note.
Also. Billie Eilish is not being performative by speaking about politics. She has a huge influence and millions of people all around the world love her. Including me. A lot of people see her as a role model and copy her. When she speaks about things that matter, she is giving people courage to do…
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Note.
Taylor Swift is not a social media person. She’s barely online. She barely posts on her stories. After her album released last year, she said in an interview that she doesn’t use social media. That’s why she didn’t post anything recently. You should speak about the celebrities who are chronically online and are always posting…
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Note.
I’ve said everything. Please understand what’s happening at least now. I’m speaking the truth. I’ve done everything in my power to show you the truth. When I have a normal and conventional life. I will still have problems. But I will have normal ass problems like everyone else. I won’t have these twisted psychological problems…
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Note.
I honestly don’t belong here. I don’t know where I belong though. Because I’m too shy to go anywhere else. If people outside India think that everyone in India are like me. You are mistaken. I’m too progressive for this place. The things I have seen and experienced. My god. People around the world and…
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Note.
Will and I had a fight, few days back. I don’t want to speak about it. Because it’s personal. I want to keep certain things private. It’s between us. But yeah. He is not speaking to me right now. I was fucked for a day after the fight. I couldn’t function. I kept texting him…
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Note.
Anyway. What I’m trying to say is this. Father always gets angry and is full of rage when it comes to things like. Money, saving electricity, saving water. And everything else possible because he is a grumpy man. But these three things to be specific. I’m just so tired of this narrative. I want to…
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Note.
There was a fire in the electric circuit in my apartment a couple of days ago. Because of which there was no electricity in my house for almost a day. Not just my house but 7 other apartments. My parents were stressed because we had to pay for the board when we were already falling…
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Note.
I don’t really say every single thing that happens to me. It’s difficult to write about everything. I’m just annoyed and frustrated that I’m waiting this way. I get so annoyed when I’m made to repeat the same things everyday. I start spiralling sometimes. It’s affecting me badly. The rashes on my hands have faded…
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Note.
Today after lunch, I was washing my plate. I always take 1 minute to wash my plate. I’m always minding my own business. I hardly speak to father. We barely speak because every time we speak it turns into conflict. So I maintain a healthy boundary and distance. I don’t speak much to mom either.…
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Note.
Now that the truth is out and the real culprits are out. No one wants anyone dead? Where are all the barbaric cavemen who created riots on the road? Show me your faces. Where are you?
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Note.
After everything that we went through together. A random stranger lied and this is what people did.
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Note.
The worst part is that. Not only was the aggressive stalker constantly aggressively stalking me and pouncing on me in 2024. No matter how many times I said no. The world was supporting him and hurting me inhumanly and forcing me to speak to him. That man harassed me for a year. No matter how…
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Morning.
Sometimes I feel like I’m speaking to a brick wall. Listening to this made me feel so much better.
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Note.
I’m going to keep my opinions to myself on this topic. Please ignore what I said. I’ve been reading random things online. idk what happened.
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Note.
Okay wait. I take back my words. I think I read the wrong article. Sorry. I read something else just now. I honestly don’t know what exactly happened and who did what. Please ignore my blog.
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Note.
The thing with social media apps is that. Literally anyone in this world can create an account and use it. The person/company who owns these apps has no control on who uses it. Because it is meant for the general public. The team who builds these apps obviously thinks about all the worst case scenarios…
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Note.
If this is how the law works in this country. You seriously need to do some rethinking and restructuring.
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Note.
I’ve already cleared my name and proved my innocence and sanity. The truth is already out long long ago. I’m not interested in repeating the same things every single day. Till you are satisfied. Please stop wasting my precious time. I’m not interested. Understand when things have reached its due course and put an end…
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Note.
Unfortunately, there’s a downside to everything that we do. Whether it is building apps like Instagram, X, WhatsApp etc. Starting a YouTube channel or a business. Or anything for that matter. We can think of all the worst case scenarios when we decide to venture out and think that we are prepared. But we get…
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Note.
If some people are misusing the X platform. I don’t think we should blame Elon Musk. He would have never imagined people would do such things on his platform. No one would. We should bring it to his notice and ask him to make changes to the app ASAP. Same way. If someone misuses Instagram.…
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Note.
You can check my Instagram story archive. I deleted everything. I turned off the save story to the archive feature. There is only one story that is saved in that archive. It is the story I posted for Ginny’s birthday in 2022. She had a dream about it and she was so excited about that…
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Note.
Note. I meant “are evolved now” not “involved”. There are so many typos. I’m realising it now. I can’t change anything or edit it now. Sorry.
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Note.
I have not kissed anyone after Ginny said she is in love with me in june 2023. Because I was/am in love with her. Also because my throat was fucked and I was going to die. After my throat got fixed in june 2024. I immediately reached out to Ginny. She asked me to text…
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Note.
Please fact check the information that I have given you. Please check everything that I’m saying. I’m speaking the truth.
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Note.
I stopped dating after Ginny said she is in love with me. She said she was engaged. I was in talking stage with Deepak GS, ashwin and Leslie. After one month I stopped speaking to Deepak GS and Ashwin. I really tried but I wasn’t interested. I met Leslie. (I’ve said this already) We had…
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Note.
Whenever you see a negative comment on someone’s post. Please understand that it has nothing to do with the innocent content creators/celebrities. It has everything to do with the person who vomited that comment. They are projecting their insecurities and jealousy in the form of hatred. Next time you see such comments. Please reply below.…
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Note.
Sometimes I feel no matter how much I say things, it’s of no use. As someone rightly said. You can’t fix stupid.You can’t heal toxic.Loving people harder doesn’t make them love you back.Over explaining yourself doesn’t mean you’ll be understood. Sometimes I feel like I’m speaking to a brick wall. But I say it anyway.
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Note.
People who spam and call it “documenting” are just living for the gram. They don’t really have a life outside social media. Because they are constantly obsessed about posting and taking pictures. In different angles and outfits and lighting and make up. Social media is on their mind 247. When was the last time you…
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Note.
Some people take documenting on Instagram to the next level. Like I understand. When you are wearing a pretty outfit and you want a picture of yourself and you post it. That’s great. I mean nothing wrong with it. I feel like it too. But do you really have to post a picture with every…
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Note.
Just because one person is suffering doesn’t mean that person can inflict suffering on innocent people. The world doesn’t revolve around anyone like that. All of us are suffering too. Everyone is just doing their best with the resources and knowledge that they have. Learn to regulate your emotions and work on yourself and your…
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Note.
Everyone in this world is going through shit. Not the same shit. But definitely a shit. Everyone. Everyone has a story. This is mine. I’m just one of the billions of people existing on this planet. Life is unfair for every single one of us. All of us are just doing our best daily. When…
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Note.
All of us are fucked up and flawed human beings. As I said before, we all are a little cuckoo in our heads. Everyone needs therapy. All of us have made mistakes in our lives at some point or another. I spoke about certain people in my life who did me wrong in the past…
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Note.
I have been making mistakes while speaking to my therapist since we started speaking in 2023. I’ve made so many mistakes. I make mistakes while speaking on YouTube as well. So fucking many. I learnt to speak a couple of years ago. Speaking is not my forte. Hence the mistakes. Why are you cherry picking…
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Note.
Also. Don’t tell me you stand up for “feminism”. That is the safest of all topics to speak about. As I said. Playing it safe. I would have spoken about thousands of things in my blogs. I have written around 4k blogs. So many important and critical things. But when I express a personal opinion…
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Note.
We are living in a dystopian world. I feel like Katniss Everdeen in the hunger games. Whatever happened to me these last few years was no lesser than the hunger games. Not just the last few years. Infact my whole life. And still happening to me. I want a normal and conventional life. The truth…
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Note.
My only intention was to tell my side of the story. I’ve said it. I had to fight through death to say it. I’ve said everything that’s crucial and important. There’s absolutely nothing left to say. I’m not interested in repeating the same things everyday. Please stop wasting my time.
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Note.
Also. The truth is already out long long ago. Everyone knows clearly that Pettigrew is not Dobby and she’s not even fit to wash his feet. The liars are already in front of the whole entire world. I’ve already spoken about every single thing. There’s nothing left to say. I’ve already cleared my name and…
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Note.
I admire celebrities like Billie Eilish, Amanda Seyfried, Mark Ruffalo, Gracie Abrams, Olivia Rodrigo etc. To name a few. They don’t have a blind eye on what really matters and they aren’t afraid to say it. They don’t spam us with performative pictures as well.
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Note.
I don’t know anything about politics as well. But I’m learning and educating myself daily. I have a platform to address the world. I have a community because of the people who are reading. So I want to give back to them. Because I wouldn’t be here without you.
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Note.
She’s not using her voice because she’s playing it safe. Celebrities would rather take 100 performative pictures to post that one perfect picture on Instagram. Than do “performative politics”. Her words, not mine. They have a following because of people. Do they not care about the community following them and want to give back? They…
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Note.
I have spoken about everything that happened. I want justice for every single miniscule thing that happened to me. I want justice.
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Note.
When I went again the next day to the dentist at kauvery hospital. Because my teeth clearly had deposits. I have already explained what happened. Someone hid my prescription. The hospital created a scene because I didn’t have the prescription and denied service. I fought and finally went to see the dentist. She asked me…
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Note.
When I went to kauvery hospital in December 2024. Two of the doctors near the reception kept staring at my legs to sexually assault me. Because of whatever was going on. The man at the reception looked at me up and down. The dermatologist charged extra for the service and drew a line on my…
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Note.
I have already explained in detail how people have extreme cases of para social relationships with me. Also that they don’t understand a no. No matter how many times I repeat it and how clearly I say it. I have already spoken about every single thing. There’s nothing left to say. I’m not interested in…
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Note.
I want justice for every single miniscule thing that happened to me. Starting from prison school up until unethical monsters at kauvery hospital. I have spoken about everything. I want justice!
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Note.
I’m helpless right now. I want a normal and conventional life. Problems won’t stop when I have a normal life but I can handle it better. And stand up for myself. The truth is already out long long ago. The liars are already in front of the world. I’ve already cleared my name and proved…
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Note.
Half the population are jokers in a white cardigan. They are burning behind their facade. When someone throws mud on my name it’s a field trip for them. They smile a twisted creepy malicious smile when they see me. It’s all fun and games for them. They are creepy fans with a leverage. As long…
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Note.
You can verify my reels consumption. I don’t doom scroll. You can fact check everything that I’m saying. Because I am speaking the truth.
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Note.
When I’m sad. I listen to sad music and cry. Because it’s validating, comforting and cathartic. When I’m angry. I listen to my angry music. Because same. When I’m fucked or in a good mood or whatever might be the situation. I listen to love songs and day dream about Ginny. Because love heals me.…
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Note.
I was actively dating from 2019 till 2023. I stopped after Ginny fell in love with me. Men whom I texted for a day or two and met just once and ghosted years ago. Still text me “hey”. They keep reaching out after all these years. I block them immediately. It’s quite annoying. Because I’m…
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Note.
I’m not supporting men. But women do have a habit of luring. Not all women. Half the population. __ After I came out as bisexual, so many women have tried to lure me. So many vulgar disgusting creepy women who are beneath my standards. Women have this mentality that just because they are women everyone…
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Note.
If I was a man. I would be dead. Even though I’m innocent. I want you to understand what some bitches are capable of. __ Don’t blame a man, just because he is a man. Don’t support a woman, just because she’s a woman. Until and unless you have the complete information and the truth.…
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Note.
Please respect my NO. Please don’t make me repeat my boundaries every single day and forever and ever. My boundaries are not going to change. My boundaries are non-negotiable. It’s always going to be a NO. I have been clear about everything.
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Dear Diary.
I feel I might have anxious avoidant attachment style. I don’t know. Ginny is all I want. There’s no doubt about that. She’s the one. But I’m scared. Maybe it’s because I have never experienced a long term relationship. All I know is to be a friend. Men in the past have always left me…
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Note.
I don’t know why I feel guilty when I stand up for myself. But I do. Maybe it’s because I’ve been conditioned to people please. Saying no feels alien and like breaking a rule. All the more reason for me to say it often. Please don’t hand me the pen and paper to write about…
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Note.
I wish I could get a restraining order against the old man stalker in my apartment as well. I don’t understand why aggressive stalking, harrasment and crossing of boundaries is not okay with anyone else in this world. But when it happens to me. The world supports, normalises and enables such behaviour. And they hurt…
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Note.
I have been extremely clear that I hate Dudley’s father. I repeated it multiple times after the new year’s day incident. Yesterday I downloaded the telegram app for a day. I saw Dudley’s father’s text this morning on that app. I immediately blocked him. He constantly pesters me by messaging me in every single app.…
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Note.
If the old man in my apartment has changed and grown. If he’s sorry for whatever he said to me in the past. I understand and it’s acknowledged as well. I have forgiven him. But he needs to understand that I don’t want to engage. Not just with him. But anyone in this apartment or…
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Note.
People have this mentality that they can do whatever fuck they want with me. Because with me there’s absolutely no consequences. They wouldn’t dare do that with anyone else. People need to introspect and reflect upon their actions and behaviour. Because my reactions and retaliations are valid, normal and justified.
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Note.
The old man watches me. He notices what time I come out for my walks and where I walk. He comes there exactly at the same time again and again and again. I saw the old man stalker again today on my morning walk. He came at the exact time and place. He looked at…
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Note.
When I said I use social media mindlessly. I meant. I don’t pay attention. I checked the meaning of that sentence online, it means something else altogether. So yeah. This is what I meant. Not the actual meaning. Yup.
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Note.
Also. I’m not looking for anything from people I follow on Instagram as well. I simply follow them. I don’t pay much attention to it. I’m not a social media person. I always scroll on social media mindlessly. I’ve been online since August 2024 because I was fighting and that was my source of information.…
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Note.
I honestly don’t feel good writing all these things about that old man. I’m not that kinda person. He’s handing me the pen and paper to write about him by lowkey torturing me when I’m already drowning. He is really old. He is a retired professor. I don’t understand this behaviour. I hope he understands…
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Note.
Can someone from the apartment please look into this. I’ve been facing harassment from that aggressive stalker since August 2024. Can someone please talk sense into him.
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Note.
The truth is already out long long ago. I’ve already cleared my name and proved my innocence and sanity. I’ve already cleared, proved, clarified and explained every single miniscule thing. I have given irrefutable solid proofs. More than enough and necessary. The liars are already in front of the whole world. What the fuck am…
-
Note.
Dudley’s father clearly knows that I hate him and his family. I have been extremely clear about it. We have never had a one on one conversation till date. He has treated me like shit my whole life. Whatever he did on new year’s day was downright wrong. He has no right whatsoever to cross…
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Note.
Some people have extreme cases of para social relationships with me. I’m honestly so fucking scared. I had posted a picture on my Instagram with the friendship bracelet “take me home” for Ginny in 2024. I was extremely sick, extremely suicidal and going through something very serious. I was going to die because of my…
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Note.
He is a grown ass man. I don’t understand why he is not seeing anything wrong with his actions? Can someone please explain to him that what he is doing is called harassment. Whatever he feels is extremely para social. His actions since August 2024 are borderline scary. We hardly spoke for 3 minutes in…
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Note.
Today when I went for my morning walk. The aggressive stalker came with his friends behind the club house at exactly the same time. He stopped exactly in front of me and put on the theatrics of speaking to someone in the apartment. If he has friends in the apartment, that’s good for him. I…
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Dear Diary.
I keep drinking water since Ginny changed her Instagram profile picture. I need to see few doctors before meeting her though. I have to do a list of things first. Just waiting for now. Also, I have started getting so many greys now. Sadness hit me like a wave initially because I’m bidding goodbye to…
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Note.
Thank you for being patient with me and understanding me and my little quirks. I cannot thank you enough. I love you guys so so much. I’m so happy that you are here. x
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Note.
I know I keep repeating my boundaries like a crazy person. I’m sorry. Kindly bear with me. I’m an anxious person. Also, I’m slightly anal. So this is a stressful situation for me. (I’m not sorry for my boundaries. I’m sorry for repeating myself numerous times.) It’s because of the way people have been behaving.…
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Note.
People are not as good as they paint to the world. Don’t fall for the words and facade. People are bullshitting in front of the world. Everything is theatrics. The perpetrators just want the attention, perks and glory that comes attached to me. It’s a win win situation for them. Please don’t give them what…
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Note.
I honestly have nothing against that old man. I’m always minding my own business. He’s handing me the pen and paper to write about him. I hope he gets the message and stays away. How many times do I have to say NO for a person to understand the NO? He crossed the threshold in…
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Note.
If he had done the same things to anyone else in this world. He would be in jail or he would have gotten a restraining order. But because it’s me. There’s absolutely no consequences. Is this even right? Why is no one seeing what’s happening here? And putting an end to it.
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Note.
The aggressive stalker has been stalking me continuously since August 2024. He has been harassing me like a psychopath and even pouncing on me. I witnessed aggression, mania, lust and psychopathy on his face. He is just a neighbour and a stalker. He was even putting on theatrics in front of the world. The world…
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Note.
People have this mentality that they can do whatever fuck they want with me. Because the world will support them and normalise their behaviour. They also get attention, glory and perks. They have a leverage. So they take advantage of my situation. They intentionally cross my boundaries and play twisted games. They take it one…
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Note.
I don’t speak against innocent people. I don’t proactively think anything negative about anyone. I never start shit. I always silently take a step back and remove myself from situations, conversations, places and people. I’m always minding my own business. If you fuck with me. I will rip you apart and mop the floor with…
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Note.
Also, You should go with the flow. Don’t be desperate and force. Don’t get into a relationship quickly without knowing them well. Get to know them and enjoy the ride. Build trust and connection. Let it happen. If it doesn’t, it wasn’t meant to be. Don’t start shit. Take a step back and end it…
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Note.
When you are dating unless it’s a fuck yes, it should be a no. You should have standards, yes. But fuck yes does not mean 100% compatible and perfect person and zero conflicts. It’s the ratio. There is no such thing as 100% compatibility and a perfect person. Conflicts are inevitable. When you find someone…
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Note.
It’s because the world is supporting the aggressive stalker and normalising it. You are enabling his behaviour. Because you are enabling his behaviour, he has the balls to keep stalking me even now. Because he knows clearly there will be no consequences. No matter how many times I write on my blog and scream. He…
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Note.
Aggressive stalker has started stalking me again. Someone please tell that man to stop stalking me. Someone please tell him. Please help me. Because of that aggressive stalker’s harassments. I started walking behind the club house from the last couple of months. Because he never comes there. It was fine all these months. A few…
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Note.
I’ve already cleared my name and proved my innocence and sanity. The truth is already out long long ago. The liars are already in front of the whole world. What exactly am I waiting for? Why are you dragging shit unnecessarily? Why are you wasting everyone’s time, efforts and energy? Please stop wasting my precious…
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Note.
I miss Ginny so much. I downloaded snap chat yesterday. I saw her on snapchat and I started feeling angsty. I felt giddy with heartache. I texted her. When I opened snapchat this morning, I saw that she has blocked me. She has officially blocked me everywhere now. I don’t feel very good. I miss…
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Brain dump.
Emilia Clarke and Haley Lu Richardson are my two favourite celebrities. Which means Ponies will be my new favourite show. I cannot wait to watch it. I’m always late to the party. So it will take time though. I have to move out first and buy a TV. I love Emilia Clarke so so much…
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Note.
This is what Pettigrew did. I was keeping quiet to help her. She was digging a grave for me. When I realised she betrayed me, I spoke the truth and proved it. She fell into the grave. She deserves it. Moral of the story. Before pointing your finger at someone. Please check if your own…
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Note.
If you are a friend. Behave like one. Don’t ask me questions when you already know the answers. Don’t play twisted games. I don’t appreciate the acting. I’m not interested in playing pretend. If my community really considers me as a friend. They will respect my personal space and boundaries. They won’t encroach on my…
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Note.
I have left absolutely no room for misunderstandings and doubts. I have cleared every single miniscule thing. More than enough and necessary. So if in case someone tries to turn the table tomorrow or tries to lie about me. You can clearly understand the truth. In case something happens tomorrow. I expect maturity and basic…
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Note.
I have been extremely clear that on a personal front I’m not your friend. I’m a public figure. I have been more than clear. I have been clear about my boundaries and I have repeated it multiple times for it to sink in. I have also repeated that my boundaries are non-negotiable. So if someone…
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Note.
If you want to hype up books and authors. Absolutely nothing wrong with it. But you cannot invade in my personal space and boundaries without my consent and knowledge. Assume shit that’s not true. And later throw it on my face and cause a wildfire. This is morally wrong and cruel. Understand when something is…
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Note.
Because if they were mature human beings. They would be curious. After everything that we went through together. They would have asked questions. Like “what happened”. They would have asked my side of the story.
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Note.
People don’t care about perpetrators like Pettigrew and others. They don’t give a fuck. Half the population are haters like Rachel Catherine. They are jokers in a white cardigan. They desperately need something against me to satisfy their demons. They desperately want to pull me down. They need constant drama and theatrics. They thrive in…
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Note.
Please stop supporting the aggressive stalker. If that’s what people are doing. He harassed me and tortured me for more than a year. When I was already suffering and going through shit. He made my life hell. He is just a fucking neighbour and a stalker. Why is stalking not okay when it comes to…
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Note.
I’ve been extremely sick since last August. The truth is already out long long ago. What exactly am I waiting for? Can someone please answer me?
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Note.
Why are people making that man to stalk me? Why are people using the word aggressive constantly? What do you want?
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Note.
Please stop using the word aggressive positively for the benefit of the perpetrators. Please stop supporting the perpetrators. When you support them you are enabling their behaviour. I already spoke about everything that that person did. What that man did was utterly wrong. Every single person reading this clearly understands this fact. Just because someone…
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Note.
I want justice for every single thing that happened to me. I have spoken about every single miniscule thing. I want justice. I want the world to clearly understand that there’s going to be severe consequences even with me. I want my personal space, boundaries and privacy to be respected strictly. My boundaries are non-negotiable.…
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Note.
I honestly have nothing against that old man in my apartment. I was just not interested in engaging with him. I don’t understand why people don’t take NO for an answer. How many times do I have to say NO for a person to understand that I’m not interested? I honestly had nothing against Pettigrew…
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Note.
Please stop supporting the perpetrators. Please stop normalising the words I used to describe the aggressive stalker. He harassed me continuously for one year. I was going through hell and fighting to prove myself. And this disgusting creepy man was harassing me constantly. If he had done the same things to anyone else in this…
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Note.
Ginny believed me and fell in love with me when I was a failure and going to die. Even before I proved my innocence and sanity. Will didn’t gaslight me even in 2022 when the whole world was against me. He spoke to me directly and helped me like he always does. My therapist kruti…
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Note.
If Meghana was really a “good friend” as she claimed to be. She wouldn’t have texted me and asked me about my youtube when she clearly knows what’s happening with me and what I’m going through. This certainly isn’t what “good friends” do. Also, I already spoke about everything that she did. She was absent…
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Note.
I’ve already said everything. I’m sorry that I’m repeating the same things. The trauma is insane. Because I’m waiting without any answers. Also, I’m really sick. Please put an end to this.
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Note.
I might not be rich and perfect. But I’m way too classy and sophisticated for this shit. Everything happened to me because I was in the public eye. I was really good and innocent. Everyone always likes me. Voldemort was jealous and burning. She knew I was innocent. She threw mud on my name and…
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Note.
Amen! I’m never again going to engage with people who lack comprehension and lack basic social skills like social experiences and interactions. I value my life and peace of mind more than socialising with stupidity. I’m going to protect my energy, personal space and boundaries strictly. My boundaries are non-negotiable. God.
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Note.
I want a normal and conventional life. I’ve already said everything and proved my innocence and sanity and cleared my name. What exactly am I waiting for? Most people are creepy fans. Because of the reality that I’m existing in. They have a leverage. I’m helpless right now. People always take advantage of me and…
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Note.
People are bullshitting in front of the world. Everything is theatrics. They want to keep their good name in front of the world at all costs. They don’t care even if I die. Please don’t believe anything you hear about me. Good or bad. Unless I say it. People were helping each other and desperately…
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Note.
Please don’t support the perpetrators and normalise their behaviours. I still see people online normalising the words I used to describe aggressive stalker’s actions and behaviour. I don’t know why they are doing that, tbh.
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Note.
Please don’t support the perpetrators. The perpetrators just want the attention and glory that comes attached to me. It’s a win win situation for them. Please don’t give them what they want. They need to be held accountable and responsible. People need to introspect and reflect upon their actions and behaviour. Because my reactions and…
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Note.
When people ganged up and tortured me and wanted me dead everything happened so quickly. Now that the truth is out and the real culprits are out. Why is it still prolonging? I’ve already cleared my name and proved my innocence long ago. What’s going on?
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Note.
As long as I exist in this reality and double life shit will continue forever and ever. Half the population are jokers in a white cardigan. They are burning behind their facade. They smile a twisted creepy malicious smile when they see me. It’s all fun and games for them. I’ve already explained everything. What…
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Note.
There’s always two sides to the story. Until and unless you know the complete information and the truth. Please don’t take sides. Please don’t normalise behaviours and support. Please hold your horses.
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Note.
I never ask for the price of things when I go out. I don’t have that habit. The month when I was dating perfect man. I was low on cash. So I asked the price on 2 instances. That’s it. Perfect man is a show off. That’s why it bothered him. Perfect man is a…
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Note.
The aggressive stalker is just a neighbour and aggressive stalker. He was constantly forcing and misbehaving with me. I politely told him that I’m not interested in speaking to him in 2023. After I became successful in 2024 he started aggressively stalking me and pouncing on me violently. I witnessed aggression, mania, lust and psychopathy…
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Note.
I’m always like a bro to my guy friends. Like Robin Scherbatsky. You can check with my guy friends. I was a little crazy sometimes, yes. But not that crazy too. It was a normal reaction to the torture. I’m a girl’s girl to my girl friends.
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Note.
So if the losers/mistakes who are beneath my standards are reading this. I would like to say. Thank you aimee.
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Note.
I started embracing my imperfections after things ended with him. I started appreciating myself and loving myself. I even got a tattoo beautifully flawed
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Note.
Perfect man also had a problem with my smile in pictures. He kept taunting me saying that I should not show my teeth when I smile. I never stopped. Because honestly I find my smile beautiful. I’d rather date someone who thinks the same. God saved me from that demon.
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Note.
The only reason I dated losers like psycho divorcee, guy with an ugly dick and perfect man was because. I gave up and lowered my standards. They were beneath my standards. I decided I’m never going to lower my standards ever again after the trauma.
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Note.
After things ended with him. I cried for a few days because of the trauma. Later I moved on. I immediately coloured my hair, started youtube and started working on myself. I changed the narrative of my life. That’s when I met Ginny. Perfect man reached out and said he saw my youtube and wants…
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Note.
Perfect man was a nightmare. I already spoke about him. He wanted everything to be perfect. He used to taunt me about every single flaw of mine. My back, my teeth, my eye sight problem, my glasses color, my dark circles, my clothes, my hair. Every single thing. He had a problem with every single…
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Note.
I always split the bill with everyone I meet. You can check with Draco and my other ex friends. I sometimes pay the whole thing and sometimes my friends pay when I don’t have money. Sometimes my date insists on paying. The majority of the time, we split. Before dating Ginny, I was dating the…
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Note.
Don’t get me started on haters like Rachel Catherine. She’s a joker in a white cardigan. She was insufferable and obnoxious. She’s a hater because I rejected her when she tried to lure me. She started lusting at me and tried to lure me because I said I love her platonically. She made my life…
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Note.
All bookstagrammers/booktubers shit talk about books they dislike all the time openly. These are the same people who hype up the books when I have the slightest of opinion about it and throw it on my face. So hypothetical. I lowkey hate hypocrites. I no longer feel connected to the book community. You need to…
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Note.
When I was in love with Will all those years ago. He was engaged and then married. My love for him blurred all lines. Also back then I was retarded and crazy. I had trouble understanding social norms and social cues. I didn’t understand anything back then. I was so fucking stupid. So yeah. Everyone’s…
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Note.
Will literally had fights with his wife because she wasn’t okay with us speaking. And he continued being my friend and helped me out of my dark place a few years ago. And constantly supported me since we started speaking in 2020. Also, it’s really difficult to find a friend like Will whom I can…
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Note.
The scene that I spoke about in Daisy Haites is the only bit I can relate to in those books. Also, a little bit here and there. Where as in the Magnolia Parks books. Half to most of Magnolia and BJ’s thoughts are mine exactly. That’s why I have the bee tattoo. Also, I use…
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Note.
I haven’t liked anyone else after I met Ginny. Other than Ginny of course. I’ve had temporary feeble crushes. They were just for a day or two and really very stupid. I’ve said everything.
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Note.
I’m not that smart. I don’t know a lot of things so I won’t consider myself smart. I don’t speak about things I don’t know. I don’t know anything about politics. I cannot code for the life of me. I just don’t understand it. I suck at corporate jobs. I barely got by. I don’t…
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Note.
I’ve been in love just two times. That’s why I speak about Will sometimes. I had strong feelings for Lockhart too. But I wouldn’t call that love. I don’t know what it was, tbh.
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Note.
I don’t like Will anymore btw. I was in love with him many years ago before meeting Ginny. And briefly after meeting him at the end of 2022. After Ginny said she doesn’t love me. Will and I got close briefly. Anyway. That’s the past. He reached out to me at the end of 2024.…
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Note.
After I met Will at the end of 2022. We got really close for a short period of time. He said he likes me because I’m hot. He spoke to me directly and helped me. So I had feelings for him briefly too. Then we had a fallout and stopped speaking to each other. He…
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Note.
In Daisy Haites by Jessa Hastings page 130. There is a scene where Christian is talking to Daisy. Little context. Christian fired a bartender because he was flirting with Daisy. She was flirting with him to make Christian jealous and it worked and that’s why he fired him. They weren’t exclusive back then. They were…
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Note.
About the books, movies and songs that are based on me. I think I didn’t appreciate the effort enough. I do feel good. But strange as well. Because I don’t know how to receive it. Surreal would be the right word I suppose. Also, Because I’m existing in this reality and double life. It all…
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Dear Diary.
I want to watch People we meet on vacation on Netflix so bad. But I don’t have the money to subscribe to Netflix. So I’m just waiting. Anyway I’m always late to the party. I watched Superman yesterday. I still have not read the fourth wing and hunger games series. So you can understand. I’m…
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Note.
I don’t know how to feel when I watch movies that are made on me. Songs and books too. The pain and suffering that I went through feels validated. I feel a bit better and good. But yeah. It’s not everything. The feeling passes. I am clear on my priorities. When you are on your…
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Note.
Few things about that incident. I was silently studying him and sensed his energy was off. I was right. I intentionally hurt his ego and rejected him. Because of the way he behaved. What’s the use of having a luxury car and expensive material things. If you don’t even know how to treat the watchman…
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Note.
In the beginning of 2023. I met a north indian guy on a date. His name is manish kumar. I wasn’t interested in him. Back then I was meeting people to numb my pain of heartbreak. He was too sweet initially and going above and beyond. I sensed something was off. He said he will…
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Note.
Ginny used to keep sending me songs. Sending songs is my love language. Because I LOVE MUSIC. She does too. Will used to keep sending songs too. This is one of the reasons I fell for them. I’m not going to date again so I’m telling you all my secrets.
-
Note.
I watched Superman. I think I was behaving like Lex Luther’s crazy girlfriend Eve. That’s why Ginny was indecisive. I don’t know.
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Note.
I had a dream just now that Draco and I started speaking again. I miss her. I miss Ginny too. Like so much. I keep thinking about Ginny. I’m so fed up. What exactly am I waiting for?
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Note.
After my company stopped my therapy sessions. I struggled a lot to find a good therapist. Some of the therapists I spoke to sucked big time. Some of them don’t even understand or have the ability to converse in english. I spoke to one of the therapist about getting nightmares of being raped. And she…
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Note.
There was a therapist whom I spoke to through my company. Back in 2021. Her name was Arundathi. She was more interested in my dating life than my problems. And she kept saying “i love you” to me. She wasn’t really giving any support or guidance. So I complained to the manager. They changed my…
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Note.
Instead of chasing a connection with me. I just want Dudley’s father to treat my mom right. That’s all I expect from him. Because I personally don’t give a fuck about Dudley and her asshole family. Mother does. So treat her right. Connect with people who want to connect with you. Love people who love…
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Note.
Mom and her siblings have a whatsapp group. They created it many years ago. Every time it’s someone’s birthday. They hype that person up and everyone gives attention and wishes. But they don’t do anything on mom’s birthday. I asked mom why they always ignore her birthday and she started to cry. This was a…
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Note.
I already told you about my mother’s trauma and what triggered her and everything else. Dad and mom fight about this same thing all the time. Since day one. They still fight about this topic. There’s a history to this. Anyway.
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Note.
My grandmother really wanted a boy child. So she had 4 girls and then Dudley’s father was born. In kerala boys are given more importance. It’s a patriarchal society. So my grandparents, my mom and her sisters pamper Dudley’s father a lot. He had a heart disease growing up and had to go through an…
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Note.
Dudley’s father has never cared much for my mother all these years. Like ever. He has always treated mother poorly. He remembers mother only when he needs money. He has always prioritised and given importance to his relatives in kerala. Now that things are looking good for us. He has been reaching out to her…
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Note.
My throat feels weird during the night. Almost everyday. It’s not completely fixed. I need to also see my ENT doctor. Before meeting Ginny. I hope she texts me first. Because I need to do all these things before meeting her.
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Note.
People in my close circle are in my close circle for a reason. I don’t use the word friend loosely. Just because someone is a creepy fan and desperate to be my friend doesn’t mean I should comply. I treat people based on my personal first hand experience with them. It takes a lot of…
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Note.
Initially when I started speaking to my therapist Kruti. I was extremely suicidal and broken beyond repair. My throat was completely fucked. She supported me even on WhatsApp for a few months. After that she was doing a course and was super busy. But she didn’t abandon me and continued with my sessions. I was…
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Note.
I struggled a lot after Ministry stopped my free therapy towards the end of 2022. It was so fucking hard to find a good therapist. I spoke to so many people. So many. I just couldn’t connect. Nothing was working out. Some of them sucked big time. My life was going down the rabbit hole.…
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Note.
My therapist can be my best friend. But to my therapist I’m not her best friend. Because there’s a boundary that comes with it. We do feel a sense of connection with our therapist when we continually speak to them about our personal life and problems and everything else there is. And there’s a rapport…
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P.S.
I love love love the new Instagram update. The DM being at the bottom bar makes it so much more convenient and easier to use. So good. This year is looking so good already. John Green writing a new book. Avengers at the end of the year. The Odyssey to look forward to. It couldn’t…
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Note.
I have unconditional love for Ginny. My parents, sister and my nieces. Will and my therapist are in my close circle. My community on my public platforms is in my close circle too. My community is like Ron Weasley. If Draco reaches out, she’ll be in my close circle too. I hope she reaches out…
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Note.
Will never hurts me intentionally. I know for a fact he will never do it. I trust him blindly. In 2022, when everyone was ganging up and hurting me. Will spoke to me directly and tried helping me like he always does. He hurt me briefly because of the person who was controlling my content…
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Note.
When I’m in a shitty mood and I open Instagram. I start projecting too. The problem is not the innocent content creators. It’s me and my problems. But I don’t go out of my way to leave negative comments or act on my thoughts. When I don’t like someone because they wronged me. I start…
-
Note.
I’ve already cleared my name and proved my innocence and sanity. The truth is already out long long ago. The liars are already in front of the world. Why is this prolonging unnecessarily? What exactly am I waiting for?
-
Note.
At least I’m not a two face. There’s nothing I hate more than a two face bitch who maintains a facade of an innocent angel flimsy delicate princess who can do no wrong. But plays dirty games and is passive aggressive. They are vicious, cunning and malicious behind the facade. At least I’m always direct.…
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Message to anyone who thinks I’m a villain.
If I’m the villain so be it. I’d rather be a misunderstood villain than play the victim card.
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Note.
Mom didn’t mean it when she made the petrol statement. She wasn’t thinking before speaking. I was constantly pressurising her by confronting her behaviour. Hence she had a meltdown. She doesn’t have the ability to handle too much stress. She breaks under pressure easily. She is old now. She is from a generation where people…
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Note.
I confronted mother again about the petrol statement. Father apologised on her behalf and resolved the conflict. Mother threw around a few vessels here and there. And that was the end of the fight. I complimented mother on the curry after lunch because it was good. Then I went for my walk. Now I’m in…
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Note.
For the record. Dudley’s father and I, have never had a one on one conversation till date. I have never opened my mouth and said anything worth speaking to him. Till date. He treated me shitty my entire life. I have already spoken about everything. Please refer to my previous blogs. He clearly knows and…
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Note.
Also, as I mentioned multiple times before. She was not interested in being friends. She just wanted to fuck me. I’ve spoken about this person millions of times since 2024. The truth is already out long long ago. I’m not interested in repeating the same things a million times more. Till you are satisfied. This…
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Note.
For what it’s worth. When I was Pettigrew’s age, I used to call everyone I spoke to casually as my friend too. I’m 34 years old now. I have knowledge, understanding and years and years of wound on my back behind me. I’m wiser. I don’t use the word friend loosely. It’s a valuable word.…
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Note.
I want a normal and conventional life. The truth is already out long long ago. What exactly am I waiting for? I’m not interested in repeating the same things everyday forever and ever till you’re satisfied. Everything is said and done. More than enough and required. Understand when things have reached its due course and…
-
Note.
Please don’t support the perpetrators. You are setting an example to the world that when someone misbehaves with me. They will get attention and glory and public support. Please don’t do it. Please don’t enable this kinda behaviour.
-
Note.
Please don’t support the perpetrators. The perpetrators just want the attention and glory that comes attached to me. When you support and normalise their behaviour. You are enabling it. When you enable it, people will have the mentality that they can do whatever fuck they want. Because the world will support and normalise their behaviour.…
-
Note.
As for my mother. I will pretend like there’s no elephant in the room and continue with my day to day activities. Till I move out of here. I don’t hate her. I understand her meltdown. I hope she sorts her shit out. I will just maintain my distance and protect my boundaries.
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Note.
I confronted mother just now. I said to her the way she behaved was wrong. The only thing I said to her on jan 2nd was. “whatever Dudley’s father did on new year’s day was wrong. Please don’t wake me up when I don’t like someone. When I have been extremely clear that I don’t…
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Note.
Whatever might be Dudley’s father’s truth. His behaviour on new year’s day was wrong. He has no right whatsoever to cross my boundaries. I have already explained it clearly and elaborately in detail.
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Note.
I have been blinded by anger towards Dudley and her family. So I just didn’t want to associate with them. I have my reasons and my anger is justified. Anyway. I just don’t want to engage with them. It’s better that way.
-
Note.
Whatever I said about Dudley’s father is not entirely true. It is true but the way I constructed the truth was mean. The thing is truth differs by the way you put it. I painted the truth in anger. So I twisted his words and actions because I was seeing him in that light. If…
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Note.
Many years ago, after whatever Voldemort did. When I was suffering and in pain. I had a dream that everyone in this world was speaking to Voldemort in horcruxes and she got her Karma. When I had that dream. I didn’t know how to speak and my mind wasn’t developed. I was crazy. I didn’t…
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Note.
Instead of chasing a connection with me because I’m shiny. Please focus on the connections you already have in your life. Cherish and nurture them. Because I’m not interested. It’s not humanly possible for me to be friends with everyone. I don’t make friends easily. I take a lot of time. A lot. Trust me.…
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Note.
I do understand Dudley’s father, the old man in my apartment, meghana etc. Are trying to redeem themselves by reaching out. But the redemption arc only works when there’s something between us to begin with. A connection, rapport and a bond. That was broken by misunderstandings. I can’t hand out redemption cards to random ass…
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Note.
Blood relative does not equate to unconditional love and unlimited free access. You reap what you sow. I said what I said.
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Note.
Just because someone is a blood relative. Doesn’t give them any right to cross my personal space and boundaries. They don’t automatically get access. I treat people based on my personal first hand experience with them. I have not forgotten anything. Stay the fuck away.
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Note.
If the world is interested in knowing something. Please ask me. There’s always two sides to the story. People are bullshitting in front of the world. Everything is theatrics. Don’t believe anything you hear about me. Until I say it. Please don’t support the perpetrators.
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Note.
Some grudges I take it to my grave. It’s subjective. I have not forgotten anything. Stay away.
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Note.
My parents keep saying stop shouting when my anger is justified. But they don’t introspect and reflect upon their actions and behaviour. They keep using crude and cheap malayali cuss words. Apparently that’s not wrong. But my justified anger is always wrong.
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Note.
My New Year’s day was spoilt by Dudley’s father. Jan 2nd was spoiled by my mother. I’m still getting over the trauma. I don’t know why my suffering never seems to end. Yesterday mother went crazy and verbally abused me continuously and tried her best to undermine me and lift up her fucker brother. She…
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Note.
After you become successful. Random ass side characters who treated you like shit your whole life and who were absent. Suddenly will start forcing a non existent friendship and relationship with you. They will start using words like “best friends” “true friends” “my favourite cousin” “my favourite niece” “chuddy buddy” “mele mein bechde hue bhai…
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Note.
Whatever I said about Dudley’s father is right but I painted it in anger. So it sounded harsh. I have my reasons to dislike them. Which everyone is clearly aware of. When you don’t like someone. You kinda start twisting their words and actions. And start seeing everything in that light. Hence it sounded harsh.…
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Note.
I complained to mom today about what Dudley’s father did yesterday. She completely lost it. We fought continuously for 2 hours straight. I was trying to calm her down. But it didn’t work. She was crying just now. So I tried to calm her down again. She told about what dad did all these years…
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Note.
I’m unable to get her picture out of my mind. I keep getting turned on randomly. I miss her so much. All this waiting. Gosh. All these feelings and no where for it to go. So I’m pouring it here.
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Note.
I have so much respect for Draco after whatever happened. God. Crazy. I don’t think I want to engage with anyone who doesn’t understand me and lacks comprehension and social skills ever again. Never again. Omg. I’m going to strictly protect my boundaries and space. I’m going to strictly protect my energy. You never know…
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Note.
When I was being sexually assaulted last year. I didn’t understand why it was happening. Because I have never done that. I clearly said on day one itself that I’m not attracted to women IRL. God. Whatever happened was crazy. I’m way too classy and sophisticated for this shit. If someone is deprived of social…
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Note.
I love clothes. I plan my fits. It’s so important. All my girl friends are the same. We speak about clothes regularly. We plan our fits before meeting. We compliment each other and hype each other up. I’m the ultimate hype person. They slide their eyes on my body contextually and hype me up like…
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Note.
I don’t know what I will wear when I meet Ginny. I haven’t decided. Fits are so important. I’ve been thinking about it. I think I should go shopping too. Before meeting her. I have to do all these basic stuffs first. I spent all my money on clothes in December 2024. Because I thought…
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Note.
My only intention was to tell my side of the story. I’ve said it. There’s nothing left to say. I’ve had an extremely difficult life. So I don’t wish to work again. I want to retire. I just need enough money to live a comfortable life. I’ve never wished for or wanted anything more than…
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Note.
I’m aware that I’m being mean and I’m hurting people. But that family has hurt me too much already. So I don’t care. I just don’t.
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Note.
I’ve already said everything that Dudley and her stupid family did to me. I no longer care about them. I really don’t want to engage.
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Note.
For the last time. I don’t respond to force and desperation. Also. Please don’t support perpetrators. Don’t enable their behaviour. Also. Please respect my personal space and boundaries. My boundaries are non-negotiable. No matter how many times I say it. Why is the message not clear?
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Note.
I don’t understand why people still don’t understand boundaries. You cannot lift someone’s blanket. When someone has been very clear that they don’t like you and don’t want to engage. You’re supposed to stay the fuck away.
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Note.
He has been fucking money from my mom and me our whole life. Now because we are struggling he is performatively giving mom money and brought something to eat. Because he knows I’m successful now. So suddenly all this show off. Bloody chuthiya. He has been fucking from us our whole life. He hasn’t done…
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Note.
Today my mom’s brother i.e. Dudley’s father had come home. I have been extremely clear that I don’t like him and he clearly knows it too. I barely slept last night. So I dozed off after lunch. And this annoying person crossed my boundaries and personal space and tried to force me to wake up…
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Note.
After this is done. The first thing I will do is go see a doctor and take my parents to the doctor. Then a dentist. Get my hair done. I’ll meet Ginny after that. I hope she texts me first. I’m just waiting.
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Note.
I’ve been waking up horny sometimes. Since the profile picture incident. I get angsty during the day randomly. Ah. I’m unable to get that picture out of my mind. To add to all this. I’m sick. Don’t ask. I don’t know how I’m holding on.
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Note.
And also, I’m not good at speaking. I prefer writing to speaking. I make a lot of mistakes and I’m slow. I have my problems. I learnt how to speak by myself a few years ago. So it’s not my forte. I also have an annoying voice. I can’t help it. I just do my…
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Note.
Anyway. I pushed the boulder up the hill once again. With the help of my wonderful community. So I’ll quit bitching and moaning on New Year’s day and stop killing the vibe. I’m sorry.
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Note.
All booktubers/bookstagrammers have their own personal preferences. They have books that they like and dislike. They shit talk about books all the time. But when I do the same. No it’s not allowed. I’m not allowed to have even the slightest of opinions. So hypocritical.
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Note.
Also. The colour white incident. I was speaking about myself. And my personal preferences. I still don’t understand the reaction that I got. Anyway. It’s fine. Because white is one of my favourite colour now. But fuck.
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Note.
It’s high time the world understood what the world did to me was utterly wrong, inhuman and barbaric. Because not only were these things happening. But also every single time I tried speaking about it to someone and opened up. I would be gaslighted. The scrutiny and torture that I went through was inhuman.
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Note.
The world also invades in the conversations with my therapist without my consent. And includes my personal thoughts and conversations in movies and books. For the benefit of the general public. And behaves as though it’s as normal as drinking water. And they are not violating someone’s personal space and boundaries to an extent that…
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Brain Dump 2.
Us lesser mortals are allowed to appreciate celebrities whom we will never meet and who don’t care much about our existence. Even if a possible boyfriend and possible husband is on the way. 😛
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Brain Dump.
Fuck this shit. I cannot wait for Nicola Yoon’s new book. I’m already excited. I love everything that she writes. At this point. I’m okay with anything that Ginny wants. Label? What’s that? I don’t care honestly. Fuck label. I’m so in my feels since she changed her Instagram profile picture. I’m going completely nuts.…
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Note.
I want injustice to be answered with justice. I want justice for every single miniscule thing that happened to me. I fucking want justice.
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Note.
I hate it when the world does this. The way people invade in my personal life and normalise behaviours of the perpetrators. Also, support them. Based on lies and manipulations and one side of the story. This is what was going on my whole life. It was fucked up shit. If people were so interested…
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Note.
I was scared to wear revealing clothes and travel alone in the past because I was sexually assaulted continuously for a period of time. Also because of the rape. And the way men always behaved with me. When I was going to meet Ginny 3 years ago. The last time that we met. A woman…
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Note.
I don’t know why I’m thinking about forgiving. I hate them. Fuck this shit. I want justice. Not a good way to start the year. But yeah. That’s that.
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Note.
Everything worked out for good. I’m normal now. No one’s dead. The truth is out. So I feel like forgiving the perpetrators sometimes. I don’t know. It’s just a thought that I have been having these days. It was all based on misunderstandings and preconceived notions. They didn’t know what they were doing. People change…
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Note.
Whenever something happens to me. It happens on a large scale and it’s always blown out of proportion. Because the world gets to know about it. I’m always minding my own business. I never start anything. My first thought will always be to help you. I don’t proactively think anything negative about anyone. Please understand…
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Note.
I guess Draco is not reaching out because our friendship is severed. She did whatever she did. I retaliated and took revenge. I keep getting irritated because she’s not reaching out and say things like she doesn’t have the audacity to text. Which makes me unwelcoming. It makes sense why she’s not texting. Ah. I…
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Note.
As long as I exist in this reality and double life shit will continue forever and ever. I’m not the fucking problem here. Please put an end to this. What exactly am I waiting for?
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Note.
Some people smile a creepy twisted malicious cunning smile when they see me. Because they know for a fact that they have a leverage and they can take advantage of me. They are creepy fans who have a leverage. Anna from the crochet workshop who sexually assaulted me started smiling a creepy twisted smile when…
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Note.
I was speaking to my friend about Draco just now. Draco and I had a new years day ritual of meeting at Dyu art cafe and we would spend the day together. 2020 was the last time we did that. Looking back I just remember the good stuff. The bad stuff doesn’t matter anymore. I…
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Note.
People in my close circle are in my close circle for a reason. I don’t use the word friend loosely. I take a lot of time. I’ve already spoken about it. Anyway.
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Note.
I was in a really dark place after the friendship breakup with Draco. We were best friends for a decade. It was extremely toxic. Both of us are at fault for it. We stopped speaking at the beginning of 2020. I met Will in the mid of 2020. After he broke my heart. I was…
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Note.
Something is very wrong with me. There’s rashes on both my hands. I pee and poop erratically sometimes. I don’t really feel good. This has been going on for 5 months. Something is wrong with one of my teeth as well. I don’t know how I’m holding on. My parents are also sick. Please put…
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Note.
I’ve been sick for the last 5 months. I really don’t feel good. I need to see a doctor. Please put an end to this. What exactly am I waiting for?
rachana rajan <3 